Is There An Empty Chair Separating You?
During the month of August I am sharing the top four lessons that I have learned in our four years of dating and forty-four years of marriage. By profession I am a marriage and family therapist. Yet I struggle with many of the same challenges that my clients are facing. On this journey of learning […]
Not All Counsel is Golden
Whenever we attend a wedding ceremony and the pastor says, “And the two shall become one”, my dear husband winks and whispers, “I wonder which one?” Those words came as a result of years of challenging growth for both of us. Our premarital counselor, a pastor, gave us some extremely troubling advice when he met […]
Love Matters, Control Messes
The purpose of this Conscious Lover’s Blog is to encourage and challenge engaged and married couples to create something thriving and alive… an “US”. Hopefully when we get married, we not only make a commitment for life, we also commit to bring life to that commitment. Dave and I refer to that as ‘Keeping the […]
Up Close and Way Too Personal
How would you describe marriage? If you’re single it might be described as a “happily ever after” fantasy. If you’re married and feeling loved, it might be described as companionship and connection. If you are unhappily married, you might describe marriage as an empty, lonely nightmare or perhaps even a war zone. It seems as […]
Is Happiness Your Highest Value?
Have you noticed how many people have transformed their belief in “happily ever after” into “make me happy or I’ll find someone else who will?” It’s the silent threat permeating a great number of Southern California marriages. When personal happiness becomes our highest goal in life we become like children. Have you noticed how children […]
What Does Math Have To Do With Marriage?
Years ago when you sat in math class I doubt that you were daydreaming about marriage. Perhaps your mind was on that cute guy or gal on the playground, but not marriage. Yet there are two math facts that I want clients that come to couple counseling to consider. Math Fact # 1: The […]
The Question That Turned Everything Around
We have just celebrated July 4th as a country. I hope you had a wonderful celebration with your family and friends. In our last blog (What Does the Declaration of Independence Have to Do With Marriage?) I posed the question, “What if I worked on whatever habits I have that are incompatible with love?” Have […]
What Does The Declaration of Independence Have To Do With Marriage?
In the next few days, we as a country, are celebrating the 4th of July, Independence Day. As you are aware this holiday celebrates the day in 1776 when the Declaration of Independence was adopted by the Continental Congress. With the signing of that document the United States officially declared independence from Great Britain. […]
Women Beware! Blog #22
Over the last thirty-four years as a marriage therapist I have watched with a heavy heart as women, at times unintentionally and at times purposefully, undermine their husband’s desire to be an involved and active parent. Women can rob their husband’s joy of being a father. In today’s blog I am making three requests of […]
Surely That’s Not What I Promised!
I walked out of my counseling office and was greeted by a fine looking man probably in his late 40’s. He addressed me, “You’re Janet Congo, aren’t you?” I replied, “Yes” and I searched his face. He went on to say, “You gave my wife and I premarital counseling years ago prior to our wedding. […]