time to consider marriage counseling

 You love each other. You just want a tune up because it seems as if the life has taken over and you want to find each other again.

 Either of you need to separate emotionally from your family of origin. Then you need to redefine what your relationship with parents will be now that you are a married couple.

 You want to build intimacy while at the same time supporting each other’s autonomy. These issues show up over and over again in a marriage and yet particularly at the beginning, at midlife and at retirement.

 You want to prepare as new parents for the arrival of a little one. You want to baby-proof your marriage during this exciting new stage.

 You want to re-negotiate your relationship at any point in your journey together.

 You want to balance the demands of children, work and home in a new way.

 You want to support your spouse by becoming an effective stepparent.

 You want to maintain a passionate, romantic relationship even when facing difficult challenges of life.

 Your children have become adolescents and you are facing midlife issues.

 Together you are attempting to raise your family while dealing with the issues of aging parents.

 After your children leave home you may want to recreate your relationship.

 If you are facing issues of retirement and have to negotiate a new path.

 If you are facing health issues and the other inevitable crises of life and want to maintaining a strong bond with each other.

 You want to avoid boredom by broadening your interests together and by developing new relationships together.

 You want to establish a rich and satisfying sexual relationship that brings both of you pleasure at any stage in your journey.

 You want to sharpen your ability to express differences, be angry and to deal with conflict without injuring the relationship.

 You want to explore each other’s spiritual journey. When we get stuck in any of the tasks mentioned above often devastating things start to happen to a couple.

 Thoughtfulness seems to morph into self-centeredness.

 Passivity replaces activity.

 The two of you keep getting stuck in repetitive patterns.

 When you raise a question or express a thought either you are ignored, dismissed, or your partner becomes enraged.

 There is a tangible tension between the two of you.

 Many of your attempts at conversation seem to cause defensiveness, criticism or blame.

 You don’t feel either heard or understood.

 When you attempt to speak your truth you often attack your mate or find yourself attacked.

 You have tried everything that you can think of to add some sparkle to your relationship only to be rebuffed.

 You spend more time on your phones texting or on FB or Instagram than you do talking with each other.

 You have expressed a need and your partner doesn’t seem to care.

 One or both of you rarely initiates conversations or affectionate advances.

 Past failures are rehearsed over and over.

 Gratitude and affirmation are withheld.

 Physical intimacy and affection seems to be a distant memory.

 Your partner aligns with his/her children/ parents/ and /or friends more than with you. You feel like you are on the outside.

 When you are in each other’s vicinity, eye contact is not made.

 You and/or your partner struggle with an addiction.

 It seems like a long time since you have laughed together.

 Your child is twelve years old and you have never had a date together.

 You are in a constant battle over who is right and who is wrong.

 You disagree about how to parent your children and or stepchildren.

 You are more competitive than co-operative.

 You find yourself being undermined in public by your spouse.

 You have no idea about your financial situation and when you want to understand have been shut out.

 You or your partner, spend most of your together time on line away from each other.

 Boundary violations have occurred on one or both of your parts.

 Your partner has had an affair and refuses to discuss it.

 You find yourself blamed for things that you are not responsible for.

 One or both of you will not admit when you are wrong.

 Secrecy seems to permeate your relationship.

 Communication has been reduced to verbal abuse.

 There has been at least one incident of physical abuse.

 Your children, family and friends are expressing concern.

 You find yourself feeling lonely, stuck, hopeless, confused, fearful, and rejected. You can’t shake the sense of doom, gloom or despair.