As a marriage counselor, I find myself deeply saddened by the lies that have seduced so many. As a culture we have been sold a bill of goods. False advertising has lead to broken lives and fractured relationships. What is causing the devastation? I believe it is the false advertising centered around the definition of love.
What is portrayed as love ends up being bondage, anti-love.
Let me explain. Sex has become a kind of sport for both sexes. Often the positions become primary and the people secondary. We can have sex, yet we know little about intimacy. Steve Martin expresses this philosophy well …
“Don’t have sex, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”
In the quiet we’re often bothered by the fleeting thought that maybe someone else is having more fun, more sex, and more excitement than we are. We are afraid that we are missing out. We’re competing with a fantasy of our own making.
We judge people on the basis of how fascinating, thrilling, sexy, exciting and entertaining they are. If we perceive our mate as boring we can always get a high on an Internet site. We are addicted to the feelings, the thrills and the rush. We’re flattered when the person on our arm gets us noticed. We must really be something!
Don’t call this love, Call it egotism and self-centeredness!
There is no consistent care or concern for another. It’s all about “us”. Even when we date a wonderful person we can turn them into a fantasy. Then we are lost in our fantasy. Can you relate?
The person of our own making is always interested, affirming, and passionate. They rarely say “no” to any of our desires. They are always ready to serve us and meet our needs. Without hesitating they are always willing to sacrifice their agenda for ours.
They are willing to abandon their obligations to travel all over the world with us on exotic vacations. We are thrilled when we imitate the rich and the famous. It doesn’t seem to concern us that our bank account is empty. After all credit is readably available.
Life is good. We are free! Free to do anything we want. We’re not anchored by commitments. We have no ties and we certainly aren’t interested in being tied down. We’re having a great time. One has to hedge one’s bets. There just might be someone even more amazing around the next corner. We have to keep our options open. How dare you call this “bondage”?
Pretend freedom ends up being bondage!
What do you mean? Our feelings, our tastes and our impulses are in control of us. Other people, the media, circumstances, events or our perception of any of the above control us.
“None are more hopelessly flawed than those who falsely believe they are free.” – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
We have no roots and we have no foundation. We’re controlled by our feelings even though feelings can lie. There is no security. We use people to accomplish our purposes. We’re always looking for the next high. We’re addicted to romance and “love”. We are untrustworthy and we don’t trust.
We have adopted a consumer mentality. We keep checking to make certain we’ve got the best. We are willing to finance surgery on our mate’s body so that it will attract lots of attention in our direction.
If they are offended and unwillingly to accommodate our wishes then we can easily discard them. If our mate is getting “up there in age” we can always turn them in for a younger, more exciting partner.
The bottom line is “It’s all about us!” “What can we get?” In fact, we only give to get!
“Love” is talked about, yet true love is rarely acted out!
As a couple’s therapist I sit everyday with the emotional devastation caused by bondage that masquerades as “love.” I sit with diseased bodies, shattered dreams, broken hearts, abandoned children and fractured relationships. My own heart is broken multiple times a day.
Just like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, bondage has been disguised as freedom in the name of “love.”
Let’s no longer be seduced by this lie.
Until our next Conscious Lover’s Blog…