February 8, 2016. It’s early. The world is dark. Many are still asleep. It is Valentine’s Week and I sit alone in silence.
I find myself thanking God for both the people that my children married and thanking God for my children. Then I thank Him for seven incredible little grandchildren who are ten or under and no doubt waiting for a Valentine in the mail from JiJi and Papa.
It won’t be long before I have the privilege of sitting with clients. There are responsibilities that need to be faced, tasks that must be completed and surprises that must be embraced, whether I asked for them or not.
But right now it is quiet…
I sit in the presence of my Loving Heavenly Father, the place where I have inherent worth and where grace is tangible.
This is the place where my clearest thinking happens. Who am I going to be as a partner this day and week? What is it like to be married to me? What will I choose, how be it, imperfectly, on the days leading up to Valentines?
I begin to talk to the greatest Conscious Lover of all time…
From this loved place of grace…
I choose love.
- I choose to initiate specific acts of love that I know will make my partner feel respected and valued.
- I choose to receive my partner’s loving words and actions.
- I choose to consciously hold on to my awareness of my partner’s worth, even when they are being difficult and irritating.
- I choose to hold onto my own value, even when I am being difficult and irritating.
- I choose to believe that my partner has the best intentions even when he/she screws up.
- I choose to have an open heart and open hands. I choose to believe that my partner is doing the best that he/she can in the circumstances they find themselves in.
I choose joy…
- Even in the presence of the difficult, the tragic, and the uncomfortable, I choose to see the God of love working things out for my good. Through my tears I reject a condemning, judgmental, cynical attitude. I choose to see God’s loving touch.
I choose peace…
- I will remove myself from a situation when I am overwhelmed with anxiety. I will do what I need to do in that moment to come back to my partner with clarity and truth.
- In my marriage I choose to respect and value my mate’s boundaries. I choose to clearly verbalize my own.
- I choose to be curious rather than furious when confronted with my mate’s opinions, words, decisions and actions…his/her separateness and uniqueness.
- I will ask for a “Do-Over” when I have been aggressive in my approach. I will be gracious and willing to forgive when my mate asks me for forgiveness.
I choose patience…
- I will be slow to anger, slow to speak, and quick to listen.
- I will guard my body language against all signs of impatience…sighs, rolled eyes, irritated movements. I will seek to speak a gentle word into an uncomfortable situation.
I choose kindness…
- My words will be kind. That is how God treats me. He gives me grace beyond measure.
- My actions will seek to do what I can to lighten my partner’s load.
I choose goodness…
- I will not react when my partner reacts.
- I will speak my truth in love and I will verbalize clear boundaries.
- I will own my own stuff rather than pointing out what my mate needs to do differently or distancing in a huff.
I choose faithfulness…
- I will keep my promises. When I give my word, I will follow through.
- Never in my separateness will I do anything to hurt my partner’s heart.
- I will honor the boundary around our marriage.
- If I have an issue with my partner, I will take it to him/her. If we can’t solve it together, we will go to a trusted confidant, therapist, pastor or mentor who will walk us through the issue.
- I will consistently pray for my partner.
I choose gentleness…
- I will approach our every interaction with an attitude of co-operation, respect and gentleness.
I choose self-control…
- I am God’s child. I live to be accountable to Him. My words will be intelligent, well thought out and well timed.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…all are fruits of the Spirit.
Holy Spirit come and help the spirit I bring to my partner be one that allows you to work in and through me.
If I succeed, I will thank you. When I fail, I will claim your grace.
Lord Jesus, my ultimate lover, transform me into the kind of lover who brings you joy and my partner gratitude.
Until the next Conscious Lover’s Blog…